Reinvention, it comes naturally to me, now. It may be the neurodivergence, probably is the neurodivergence it creates an air of restless curiosity and need to feel good in my heart.
I love the idea of exploring ideas, adventures and learning new skills. The one thing I realised is that there is no point staying when my heart wants to leave. Whether its where I work, a friendship or relationship.
I Wasn’t Always Like This
I was brought up believing you work hard to get anywhere. Unpaid overtime was expected and the only way to get ahead, and you had to be a good company person. You know what I mean, fit in with the group – DO NOT STAND OUT.
Impossible. No matter where I am, I stand out in some way. It’s not intentional, I prefer to quietly work quietly on whatever the work is I am doing. BUT when things are not fair, or don’t make sense, my hand proverbially raises itself and words are springing out of my mouth ahead of my brain functioning.
Oh and when I get bored I can be mischievous, I love to make people laugh. But that’s me being the clown that is a thing.
But I did try. I made myself useful, would do the extra, I really tried to fit in. And failed abysmally most of the time. Doesn’t mean that I am not super skilled at things like project/event management (which I enjoy lots when I’m running it), or things that others find hard that I will take on to prove to see if I can do it.
I am highly skilled, and learn quickly.
How I got To Where I Am Now
My first real job I stayed for eleven years. ELEVEN imagine that. It was a pretty eclectic job, with the most diverse group of people and that is why. I didn’t stand out because we were all weirdos in our beautiful ways so even though it wasn’t the greatest job we had loads of fun. But they changed the workplace from analogue voice dispatch to data and it was never the same.
Leaving there was hard. But i knew there was more for me. I’ve worked cabs, and couriers (horrible industry), startup outdoor media, Comm Games, a paint factory, Phone Sex, NGO’s and the Metropolitan Ambo’s in Melbourne. The shortest was one day, they told me I had to wear a dress the next day, deal breaker. It was like one of those Coles Uniforms to dispatch on a radio. Nope, no way.
There was something amazing that I got from all of these places. I thrive reinventing myself. Awkward at first, feels scary, but there is almost a physical feeling of growth. All of these, except the contacts, I left when I had enough. When I was no longer doing and feeling my best, and each was different.
Romantic Reinvention
Its been kinda the same with personal relationships. I am, or have been a bit slower to have boundaries. I was the queen of second chances, was but not anymore. I would stay too long, I claim it and am accountable.
My worst enemy was thinking people I was involved with were like me. But I have been cheated on and lied to by many until I finally learned, to look out for me. That I’m loveable, don’t need to work for love or be scared of leaving. I have always looked after myself, am super capable, and am living the life I dreamed of.
Reinvention Ignites The Human Spirit
It wasn’t until I was deemed redundant at work that I had the courage to make the biggest leap of my life. I walked away from everything. I havent looked back, its sixteen years now.
I had no idea what the future would be and it still surprises me. If you are unhappy at work, believe in yourself, find a way to make a change. Life is way to short to be in places and with people that resent you, that steal your joy, and don’t revere your soul.
Reinvention is scary. But what is even scarier, is being a pawn, being manipulated, and losing happiness to mediocracy and fear.
Reinvent yourself in every way possible.
PeAce oUt