There is no kick in the start. No juice in the blender. The molecular organization is scrambling and I’m laying face down in the dust, or carpet or whatever your floor covering of choice may be.
“Must Be Molecular Dysfunction”
It’s a feeling, a sensation. Molecules are tearing apart in zillions of directions and I cannot hold them in one construct anymore. No that’s wrong, it’s not that I cannot, it’s that I have no desire to. What is the point of trying in a society based on fear and hatred?
Fear is the weapon, the choice of bullies, governments, authorities, of neighbors, whoever wants to manipulate, control, leverage you to OBEY. If you, if I don’t join, play along, be a good little girl and SHUT THE FARK UP, I’m treated as a reject, not fit for community acceptance because I see its discord, and am accused of its friction to avoid their self-reflection. Not allowed to take up space and CERTAINLY not allowed a voice because, because, because.
“We Don’t Just Tolerate Stupidity We PROMOTE It”
We could be anything on this planet and we choose THIS? We tolerate THIS. It’s the height of stupidity and brainwashing.
I cannot find what I need after brutalizing trauma in this society of terror. Not once, but discordant waves, each hitting before the one before I had a moment to breath. Threats….so many threats veiled in love, whitewashed with hate.
I break every minute anew under the weight, again, and again, and again.
I plead for gentleness, I tell people I feel fragile, I ask for the space to recover. Yet every day I feel dehumanized, assaulted in my soul. Why? Because when I ask for gentle I get shoved, when I ask for understanding I get lies, when I open my heart I am abandoned, when I tell MY truth all that matters is their expectations.
The answer I don’t know. Or even if there is one.
I WILL LIVE MY TRUTHI hear the moans of despair emanating from the universe each night, I feel the souls of the planet struggling with fear and then I realize the moaning is mine.
My particles reach out to comfort, join the discordant energy and merge into oblivion and then I am released from the earthly BULLSHIT.