Heartrending, Soul Retching, Exquisite Agony from Forbidden Loving & Loss

In Experiences by Zo

I cannot speak.
Loss renders my words ineffective.
I cannot do what’s expected
And pretend.
I must surrender to soul-retching agony
Make friends, STOP struggling
My evolution is the other side
I see the drones
Afraid of pain, sadness
Who twitch from side to side
An effort of avoidance doomed to fail
I struggle to express how I feel about everything that was us.
It WAS not perfect it was:
passionate

wild womyn

loving

till death did we part

terrifying

when you told me you didn’t kill me because you loved me

safe

until it wasn’t

funking funny

the moments those crazy moments

loving

held & hold

frustrating

fierce & independent to destruction

annoying

you annoyed more than anyone I have known

electric

bolted lightning

anger

cultures clashed = missed meanings

betrayal

I still don’t understand 

adventurous

no challenge too great

mischievous

teasing the fabric of life

exhausting

I felt like I failed you

loving
LOVING
LOVING you was the best mistake I ever made, the biggest risk, the most
heart-breaking…everything.
When you took your last breath, I was relieved you no longer suffered, you were no longer afraid.
We were alone in that dump, nobody came, when you STOPPED breathing.
So I sat there, my hand on your chest that no longer rose, texting your family too busy to see you off, the nurses that were nowhere around.
I cleaned your face, and watched the rats on the floor, just waiting for someone to arrive KNOWING that the chapter with your beautiful smiling SOUL was closed.
THE END